NYsportSpace is Officially Launched

Visit NYsportSpace

MySpace for the New York Sports Community

I would like to announce the conception of New Yorks next biggest web phenomenon! In August of 2007, the New York Sports world have have a place where they can call home.

The Myspace for the New York sports fan. Create your own NYsports profile. You can upload your favorite pics, videos, songs, blogs, and widgets. Create picture slideshows and video channel that show your devotion to your favorite teams and players.

Network with like-minded sports fans who share the same passion for sports and New York culture as you do. Buy, sell and trade tickets in the forums, share ideas in the groups, rave about the things you like, rant about the things that you hate. Catch the latest and rumors through up to the minute feeds from New Yorks most popular fan sites.

But most of all meet new people and stay in touch with old friends. Browse the profiles of fans just like yourself and see how they feel about the sports news that molds the city's attitude.

Stay Tuned for info on its official Launch!

Shut Up Tim McCarver!

The Family Guy Clip Below tells it all. Anyone who has ever listened to this broadcaster try to commentate a baseball game knows that he is BY FAR the worst announcer in the history of the world.



Here are some quotes that supports the aforementioned statement. It helps if you read the quotes in McCarvers slow, in coherent, southern drawl accent.

"This is the first time in major league history, except for the strike season, included, where there was no 20-game winner" - McCarver apparently thinking that the shortened season would yield more wins than normal.

During Game 5 of the 2006 NLCS, on a pitch to Jose Reyes, McCarver says, “That pitch wasn’t down and in, that pitch was down and up.”

2004 ALCS, Game 5 Red Sox vs. Yankees . David Ortiz hit a home run into right field. Tim: "Mt. Everest erupts again!"...too bad Mt. Everest isn't a volcano.

"Pitching is such a vital part of the game, as far as winning is concerned" How Eloquent...

1993 World Series, Phillies vs. Blue Jays: "Watch Darren Daulton use his mitt like a glove." I wish I coulda heared him say that...

"There is a world of difference between a count of one ball and two strikes is a lot different situation than hitting with two strikes and one ball." Thanks captain obvious...

During a meeting at the mound between the pitcher and catcher, "You see Colon talking into his glove because David Ortiz, from the Dominican Republic, can obviously read lips in Spanish." he was serious when he said this folks

"Pedro Martinez as a pitcher is as wily as a wolverine." That is the only time I laughed with him

"Half of the Yankees' regulars this year have not been regulars." What an idiot

"If you lead off and you play every day, you're guaranteed to bat with the bases empty at least 162 times." Again, he is serious

"Gary Sheffield just hammered the high fastball. Not many major leaguers can do that." Probably the stupidest thing ever muttered

Special Thanks to ShutupTimMcCarver.com

Jeff Bagwell Enlightens People

Quick story on one night while I was at college. I went to a college in Connecticut which happens the be the same college that Jeff Bagwell,former Houston Astro all-star, attended.



The sports program decided to have an alumni dinner honoring his achievements in the Major Leagues. After the dinner he went to a local dive bar that everyone always goes to at the end of every night because it is cheap and near campus. I happened to be friends with a few of the baseball players at my school and they introduced me to him as he was there to indulge in some memories I guess. I bought him a shot of Jagermeister that he declined to take before I eventually persuaded him to take with me. I noted that he should be the one buying shots as I was just a poor college kid and he was a multi-millionaire. we toasted to Andy and Roger having a great season.(It was the winter before Andy Petite's and Roger Clemens' first year in Houston)He offered me a cigar, I obliged. Fair enough.

While we were briefly chatting, I asked him about steroids and the impact they had on professional baseball. I was shocked to have him tell me that at least 80% of players use or have used steroids at one point in their career. I was expecting him to maybe tell me that 30% or 40% of people use it, but 80%!

I also mentioned to him that if he wanted to meet any of the girls in there bar I could introduce him to the one of his choice. He laughed, thought about it, then said he was married. I jokingly said "So?"

In general he was a pretty friendly and I always appreciated his curt honesty.

Ah to be a pimp again...

Todays Newsday Back Cover

I Never Thought I'd Say This But, Good Job Isiah!

I almost cried when I heard that the New York Knicks got Zach Randolph, Fred Jones, and Dan "The Dickhead" Dickau in a trade with the Portland Trailblazers for Steve "not even close to a franchise" Francis and Channing Frye.

I spilled tears of happiness for two reasons:

1) The Knicks immediately solved a key problem. Not having another low post scoring presence opposite to Ed Curry(its funny to call him Ed)
2) Isiah actually did something right for the first time since 1992

Now Zach Randolph is not a house hold name by any stretch of the imagination...yet. But he has been a consistent player for a number of years now scoring around 20 points and grabbing close to 10 rebounds a game. Fred Jones is a decent energy swing man off the bench and and Dan Dickau is just a Dickhead. No he is probably good guy for all I know but he won't get playing time with Balkman and Collins around.

The best part is that we didn't give up anything to get this legitimate power forward. We gave up the softest player in the league in Channing Frye, who thoroughly disappointed fans this last season after a promising rookie campaign. Yes, he has a sweet J, but he wasn't a "New York" player. We need guys like a David Lee, like a Randolph, who can get down low and mix it up. Isiah also orchestrated the departure of Steve Francis. This guy is done in the NBA. He may add some much needed veteran presence on a young Portland team, but he is just useless here. He also had a bloated contract although so does Randolph.

If we get one more piece, another consistent outside shooter, then mark my words, the Knicks will contend in the eastern conference next year.

Baseballs Best Tirades

Paul Lo Duca, the New York Mets Catcher, had one of the most memorable tirades in recent history this past week as he went off on the home plate ump and threw his equipment on the field. See some of his antics in the video below.


Here is a portion of what Lo Duca said on NY radio station WFAN, when asked about his questionable reaction to a borderline inside strike call.

“You know something, the guys who go right to the dugout shouldn’t be playing, they don’t have the passion. If you’re gonna say, ‘Thank you for throwing me out, I’ll go get them next time, thank you very much,’ well, that’s bullcrap, you know, have some pride and get something from the situation – and that’s what I did. Obviously, I overreacted, I told you guys that, but when a guy throws me out of the game I’m gonna get my moneys worth, I’m gonna let him know, I’m not gonna say, ‘Thank you for throwing me out, I appreciate it, I needed to go see a movie a little early,’ no, I’m gonna get upset about and I did.”

I needed to go see a movie early, Is this guy a Brooklyn born Italian or what! Read more about Lo Duca and the other mets on www.metsmerizedonline.com

Speaking of funny tirades here is Double A manager Phillip Wellman, completely flipping out. this is the most entertaining tirade in the history of baseball. Some talk has been made about if this was staged or not. Who cares, it better than some shlub in the minor leagues slappin singles around.

I mean this outburst has it all. He really took his time covering the plate with dirt. I bet they had trouble finding it after he was done. He also stole two bases, more than Mo Vaughn had in his whole career. If you don't laugh out loud to the grenade launch then you officially have no sense of humor. This is all graced with a gentlemanly bow at the end when he departs via the outfield. All in All it was a extremely classy tirade. SR&R baseball rant of year nominee! Actually, fuck it he is the winner!

Why do we play the game again?

Now I know why Herm is considered a great communicator.

R&R's from July's Issue of Playboy

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THERE NOT WHO YOU THINK THEY ARE! 5 Reasons why the N.E. Patriots WON'T win like you think they'll win

"If you wanna crown 'em then just crown their ass!" Spoken so eloquently by former Arizona Cardinal coach Dennis Green here in this YouTube clip. Green was so irate because his football team squandered a 20 point second half lead in front of a Monday night crowd.

As hilarious as his outburst was, I can empathize with his discontent. He gets especially angry because he feels that the reporters questioning him are already assuming that DA Bears won the Super Bowl. When in actuality they just beat a horribly coached football team with a putrid offensive line. In football, there are always plays, halves, games, and seasons are literally decided by "inches". Many people would agree that football is the most competitive sport, in terms of how closely matched every team is. Appropriately proven by that Monday night game, where an abysmal Cardinals team completely outplayed an undefeated, and eventual NFC Champ.

SO WHY WOULD ANYONE AUTOMATICALLY ASSUME that the New England Patriots can breeze through the AFC East to eventually play and win in the Super Bowl. I admit, it isn't preposterous to concede that it certainly is possible, but with every team having the same goal, you can't crown them until you have an adequate sample of data is presented to base your assumption on. The only way to get an adequate sample of data is to actually watch them fuckin play a few games. I understand the reasons why everyone (ESPN, annoying Boston sports people, novice football fans, etc.) THINKS that they are going to plow through everyone. Free agent acquisitions, Belichick, Brady, misconceptions of a dynasty, all contribute to peoples reasonings on why they are so convinced that the Pats are going to dominate this year. But let me let you in on a little secret.....THEY'RE NOT. Here's 4 reasons why.

1) Randy Moss is a cancer. As talented as he is, or should I say as talented as he has should been, he has always caused headaches for his QB's, complained if he didn't get good stats, and been an overall distraction to the team. Yes he is a gifted athlete, but this is his 10th year in the league, its not like he is a kicker, 10 years is a lot for any player and he WILL start to show his age. He will be effective but don't expect the dominance he showed in the past. He, and fellow brittle teammate Dante Stallworth, are a couple of Ed Reed hits away from being out for the season.

2) Defensive Backs This is pending whether or not Asante Samuel ever accepts the Patriots franchise tag offer, but even if he does then their secondary doesn't frighten me at all. Rodney Harrison hasn't been the same since a devastating knee injury. Eugene Wilson hasn't been good in 3 years and Randall Gay's name speaks for itself. Oh yeah then you have the hot-headed rookie, Meriweather, who spearheaded the worst Miami U defense in a decade and will bite on the first 6 pump fakes he sees.

3) Skill Position Back Ups Lets face it, arguably the two most important positions in football are the running back and Quarterback. Lawrence Maroney is in his second year, where historically, RB's are prone to injury and/or a fall off. If he gets nicked up, then Kevin Faulk will be getting the carries. Although Faulk has had a decent career, he is hardly a game changer, actually he isn't a game changer the least bit. And even mutter the words "Tom Brady is out for the season" and you would bigger outrage than if Bill Buckner and Bucky Dent bought the Celtics and moved them to Long Island.

4) Parody Does anything ever happen like its supposed to in the NFL? No, ask ESPN analyst Sean Salisbury what happened to the Panthers last year. The guy acts like he knows what he is talking about but he hasn't picked a team in 5 years. Ask Peter King, celebrated writer for Sports Illustrated, what happened to his 2004 preseason Super Bowl prediction, Jaguars vs. Bucs. Neither team got even close to making the playoffs. What about the Colts last year? They had a horrid defense for the first half of the year until for no apparent reason. Pretty much everyone was convinced that they had no chance to make a run. What happened? Their defense was the catalyst that propelled them to become Champs.

5) Colts, Jets, Ravens, Chargers, Bengals and Steelers All these teams are fully capable of beating the Pats on any field on any given Sunday.

Whats the point you ask? There really isn't any. They could be right and the Patriots could go on and be a great team. The only problem with that is that they are usually wrong and until that first kickoff occurs, then each team has the same record. So enough of the Brady love fest and the Belichick Hall of Fame talk cause I am tired of it. Each guy is another number, each game is another game, and each inch is another inch. Besides, "We play to win the game!" I miss old Herms sound bites...

Didn't understand the ending to the Sopranos? The 2 Best Theories Right Here!

Maybe you did figure out what David Chase was trying to convey when he ended the series finale of one of the best television shows ever in the middle of the scene. What did he mean by that? Were you trying to fix the cable when that happened, hoping that you didn't just miss the end of an era because your dog might of chewed the wires when you weren't looking? I did and I don't even have a dog.

By the way, there was 3 different endings filmed to ensure that it didn't get leaked to the public and for Chase and the producers to see which one worked the best with the rest of the episode. I can't find where each of the endings starts during the episode.

Well after going to bed perplexed, I woke up and went to work to discuss the outcome with some other eager coworkers. one of them (Italian gent of course) reminded me of a the scene where Bobby and Tony are fishing in the lake in episode two. Discussing death, Bobby offers that dying must be "everything just turns to silence". Theres no other explanation for why the last scene of the entire series would just end, finito, out of nowhere. Especially with no music to go with the credits, I can't remember when the ending credits didn't have a song playing.

I was also reminded that the scummy looking Italian guy, who was profusely sweating as he was walking into the bathroom, was the Phil Leotardo's Nephew. Rockin the hot Members Only jacket in all its glory. But I don't know this for sure.

But then there is another theory that Tony got pinched by the Feds. The feds realized they could get rid of 2 bosses with 1 stone. They gave Tony info about Leotardo's whereabouts, and then had the meeting of the 2 groups bugged and now have Tony for conspiracy to murder. There were a lot of scenes involving the feds,and the main federal agent saying "We might actually win this!". It may appear that he is actually rooting for Tony but is he? It could have been a trick to trap Tony while eliminating Leotardo at the same time! Meadow being stuck outside, could be symbolic of here pursuit of being a law student in defense Italians receiving poor and unfair treatment by the feds. and that she isn't be there to defend Tony.

Shoulda! Woulda! Coulda! Mets 2006 World Series Champs?

If you are a one of the many Mets fans who passionately peruses this website every day then I would be shocked if you told me that you didn’t expect the Mets to win Game 7 of the NLCS last year. They shoulda marched right in like my Puerto Rican peoples did in NYC this past weekend. If our expectations were rightfully met, then we woulda been playing in Comerica Park last autumn. Hey it coulda happened.

I will try to demonstrate to you, my beautiful/handsome readers, what would have happened if that one devastating 0-2 curveball didn’t sneak past Carlos Beltran. You know that cliché scene that they have in every time-travel movie (Back to the Future, Butterfly Effect, Déjà vu) where the brainy character draws a straight line on a chalkboard, and then shows the alternative timeline of what would of happened underneath the first line if only one single event that was slightly different occurred? If you don’t know what I am talking about then check out this clip from Family Guy and you’ll understand. It’s too hard to explain without a chalkboard.

Pretend that that 0-2 curveball was smacked into the picnic area and the Mets were in the World Series last year. Here is my prediction of what shoulda, woulda, coulda happened.

Game 1

“The Mets, riding a wave of momentum going into the World Series after Carlos Beltran’s dramatic game 7 grand slam, dubiously fall to a rested Detroit Tiger Squad. Justin Verlander pitches a masterful game capped by a historic bases loaded at-bat against David Wright, where Wright fouls off 8 straight 100 mph fastballs before succumbing to a nasty breaking ball. Steve Trachsel, after having a treacherous NLCS, still things going. He gives up 9 runs in four and a third innings. Placido Polanco scores 3 runs on 3 hits to highlight a tiger onslaught. Final Score: Tigers 15-7.

Game 2

“It’s funny as things can change so quickly as the Tigers Game 2 starter Kenny Rogers, gets thrown out of the game for having a foreign substance on his hand. Jose Valentin informs the home plate umpire of this after in his second at bat after being struck out on 3 pitches in his first at bat. Seemingly giving the Mets a boost of confidence, Jose Reyes hits a 3 run triple in the 6^th inning off Jason Grilli to knock in the only runs of the game. Oliver Perez pitches 8 shutout innings. Billy Wagner strikes out the side to get the save.” Final Score: Mets 3-0.

Game 3

“John Maine continues his postseason dominance allowing 2 earned runs in 7 innings against an exhausted Tiger team fails to show any heart after Jim Leyland gets ejected in the 2^nd inning for picking up home plate and throwing it at the first base umpire. Carlos Delgado hits two solo homeruns in the game, one off Nate Robertson, and one off Joel Zumaya. Zumaya also had two throwing errors in the game.” Final Score Mets 4-2

Game 4

“The Shea Stadium crowd really got to Jeremy Bonderman as yet another Detroit starter failed to give their bullpen a break. The Mets powerful offense sizzled on a typically cold New York October night. Endy Chavez is the first player in major league history in hit a “walk off”, or better yet, “run off”, inside-the-park grand slam in the World Series in the 9^th inning off of Todd Jones. It is also revealed that Todd Jones mustache tested positive for steroids Final Score: Mets 9-8.

Game 5

“Mets fans riot the streets of Queens and Manhattan as the Mets deliver the city of New York its first championship since 1986! David Wright learns from his historic first game at bat has he hits a 2-run home run off Justin Verlander with the 17^th pitch. Verlander, who had a no hitter going into the 7^th, began to tire after walking Delgado, and then throwing 16 straight fastballs to Wright. He also blames his fatigue on Joel Zumaya, saying that Zumaya forced him to play 32 consecutive songs of Guitar Hero until 3:30am the night before. Steve Trachsel finally proves his worth to the Mets organization by pitching a game under 5 hours long and actually earns a win because he pitches well, not because the offense scores 8 runs.

Ya Gotta Believe…Something like that woulda happened.

This is so not me by the way

Can Lebron Pull it Off? Even if he can't, Who cares!

I wasn't the only one who desperately wanted Lebron James and his Cavaliers as the Eastern Conference representatives in the NBA Finals. The idea of "Deeee-troit Basketbaaaall" ringing in my ears every time Tayshaun Prince draws a charge against Tim Duncan's flailing elbows makes me sick to my stomach.

The fact that I have to watch The Spurs is ALMOST enough reason not to watch the finals at all.

They are as good as they are boring to watch. I know that I am not breaking new ground with that statement but as much as the NBA figureheads HATE the fact that their players portray an image transcendent of the Boyz in the Hood, they have to hate it even more that when a team, like the Spurs, comes along and portrays the type of image that they desire. A clean, fundamental team that features a player who is about to marry the star of their TV networks highest watched program. But the only problem is that NO one tunes in to watch. There is a solution to this quandary that has been haunting the NBA the last few years. Promote a player with a clean image that can can jump over the barn (see above), and can take over a game at any time.

Now people will most likely watch to see if he can deliver the types of performances that men called Michael, Magic and Larry once brought into our living rooms. He showed in Game 5 of the Eastern Conference Finals that he was more than capable of putting on a show, but can he do it against the Spurs? After watching Game 1 of the finals, no, probably not. He played like how the autistic kid who hit six 3 pointers in a high school game has played in every OTHER game of his life.



I'm just playin, this kid is the MAN. But you gotta smell what I'm steppin in. I know what your thinking, Your right I didn't have to make a crack about some kid with autism. But put all seriousness aside, this kid must have been a turnover machine in practice, just like Lebron was in Game 1.

We all know that there are at the least 3 more games in the Finals. In my estimation probably 5 more games. I expect Cleveland to win Games 3 and 5 at home. In those home games Lebron will "Dunc on Duncan" 1-3 times. Like any and most sports fans, when my favorite team isn't playing in these championship games, then all I want is action. I could care less who actually wins. I just want hard-played, exciting competition that elicits the same emotion out of me that I get when I double down on a soft 11 in blackjack.

Give the fan some close games down the stretch that aren't decided by the refs or by points at the charity stripe. Give the fan a reason to like the NBA when their favorite team isn't playing. Give the fan a reason to watch the games. Because after all we all don't tune in to see what type of outfit Eva is wearing, although I don't mind when the camera cuts to her 1-3 times a game.

Online Advertising: What the Young Entrepreneur can do to Maximi$e it

I was having a phone conversation with a close friend of mine last night and she asks me…

”Ok this might be a dumb question but how do websites make money?”

This was an opportunity to sound halfway intelligent for once so I pounced right on it with an answer that a casual internet user would hopefully understand. Casual indicates that you don’t check your email, Myspace, or blog 20 times a day and you also don’t know what CPM stands for or what a 728x90 is. Knowing this makes you a Web Addict. I smugly replied…

“Well there are essentially 3 ways. One way is that a business has a website to promote their main brick and mortar entity by having a presence on the Web. The second way is that the main source of revenue for a website is by offering an e-commerce solution where buyers and sellers can do some type of business with each other (remember casual user). And finally, the third way is when a website, otherwise known as a publisher, creates interesting content that attract users to their site. The site is then monetized by advertising revenue is the way of banner ads, text ads, pop up ads, or even video ads.

She happens to be very industrious, so I pretty sure that she got the idea.

But it led me to believe that the majority of people don’t quite grasp the concept of online advertising. Since the “majority” of people are starting their own websites, their own blogs or even their own profile or channel on some type of a social community platform where ad revenue is split between the publisher and user (Like Blogger or a future client of mine, Blip.tv.) It is crucial that these people understand that there is money to be made. Of course, most of the people reading this blog on MindPetals understand that there is always money to be made!

Here is a small portion of how it works. Typically, Publishers make money by selling the “inventory” on their site. Inventory is based on impressions or “eyeballs” that a site receives. Almost like a page view except an impression is the amount of times an ad is viewed by someone. If there are 5 ads on a page then for every page view there are five impressions. Publishers will then sell impressions to advertisers on a CPM level (Cost Per Thousand, M standing for the Latin symbol of one thousand). For every one thousand times your eyeballs view an ad, the publishers can charge anything from 1 to 50 dollars. Obviously, the size of the ad and where it is on the site influences the price. A site like ESPN or CNN will charge about 30-50 dollars while my blog could charge about negative 30 to negative 50 cents, if I’m lucky.

While traditional advertising will always be effective way to reach the desired consumer, interactive marketing methods are quickly becoming a more cost efficient way to specifically target a certain audience. It is no secret that there are more choices today then there were 5 years ago in terms of how media is consumed and how advertisers can reach them. The advent of online video, audio, news, and user generated content sites have allowed users to find exactly what there looking for and in turn this allows advertisers to find their desired niche or demographic. With online ad spend increasing each year, then that only leaves more money to be had by Internet entrepreneurs and pioneers.

SOOOOO where does a young entrepreneur fit in with all of this?

With the internet providing an avenue for us young people to provide some type of service to the world, then we will have an opportunity to maximize the amount of money we get. It is a low cost, low risk way to start a business with minimal overhead and a potential for a high reward. Online advertising is also a low cost way to promote a non-interactive product or service. The specificity of the targeting capabilities in certain ad technologies allows entrepreneurs to reach the exact audience they want to reach without breaking the bank.

Mets Notes and Pokes

What would you do if someone offered you a chance to go watch the Mets play their division rivals on a Tuesday night? I’m not talking about the upper deck here. I am talking about loge reserved section between home plate and third base. Thanks to a co-worker of mine and his party patrol connections, I was able to watch the Mets play the Phillies this past Tuesday.

I am going to write this blog in a list format because I attended that game and because most internet blog readers have a shorter attention span than A-Rod at Scores. It will contain some random thoughts I have had in the last few weeks that you will likely empathize with. It will also contain some thoughts that you will find flat out ridonkculous. It’s too hard to form complete sentences that create themes, generate storylines, and have conclusions

1) Philadelphia sports fans are the most obnoxious people on the eastern seaboard

2) When Reyes gets on base to lead off the game, the Mets will win the game

3) When Damion Easley bats in the 2 hole, the Mets will lose the game

4) The Arizona Diamondbacks shouldn’t ever beat the Mets in a series, especially at Shea

5) Victor Diaz has been raking like a cranky old man in Autumn

6) Lebron James should be the Mets right fielder and set-up man

7) Beltran forgot that he gets paid 20 million a year

8) Watching Jaime Moyer pitch is equivalent to watching Roger Clemens do groin stretches

9) Chase Utley scares me more than Ryan Howard

10) We need Moises back soon

11) Glavine’s next 4 wins are going to be the hardest of his career

12) Jose Reyes’s “Spanish Academy” segment between innings is hilarious

13) It is fun to yell “cut your hair” to Eric Byrnes while sitting in the picnic section in the outfield bleachers

14) David Wright made many millions of dollars because he chooses to accept a .05 stake of ownership instead of cash when he endorsed for the Glaceau corporation. Coca-Cola just bought them for 4 billion dollars

15) Please add your recent thoughts in the comment section…

I am ANTI-These things...

The following items I am about to list are things that I am against, hence the prefix (I think that's the word) "Anti". Feel free to comment on why I should not be against these things. You are entitled to your opinion even though you are wrong.

1) I am ANTI-HAM. For some reason I recieve Rolling Stone Magazine. Even though I never suscribed to it. There is an article about how all of the retarded pigs are left to rot in a pile of there own filth and they all have diarreah. Gross. They are then thrown into the rivers and there shit kills all of the fish. Poor little porkers. Pluse it taste like shit and theres greasy viens in it. Some coffee shops sneak slices under your pancakes too piss you off and it works. I shouldn't have to inspect my griddle cakes to see if there is a slice of shit infested swine under them.

2) I am ANTI-APPLEBEES. Talk about a bootleg fridays or chilis. 2-fers. Yeah right, try two 8 ounce mugs of dirty tap bud heavy for the price of one 16 ounce bud heavy. Lets see what do they have for apps. Oh lets get the fried conch fritters or the sour cream nachos with chedder cheese. Or the cheesey cheese fat sticks. It sucked so bad I needed a vodka tonic when was forced to go there and they didn't even have vodka. One of the reasons why America is so fat.

3) I am ANTI-HUMMER Trucks. Do you find it necessary to buy a monstrosity of a vehicle so no one can see around your car. You are not cool if you have one, you get ripped off by oil companies on a regular basis. You got marketed hard core. You can pack all of your fat ass kids and there friends in your truck and drive to Applebees.

4) I am ANTI-WENDYS. It used to be good. It blows now. The fries taste like metal and they dip there beef in vats of mayo. Plus there shisty. Tomatos upon request. Weak. I have vomited the last two times I have ate there. The nuggets remind me of the nuggets I used to microwave when frozen food just came out . All spongy and what not. They suck. What do you expect when its 20 cents a nug. They changed there honey mustard recipe, I dont care what anyone says.

5) I am ANTI-LEXUS Christmas ads. "Oh my its a silver lexus with a stupid ass red bow on it in my driveway. I wonder if its for me?" Get a grip lady. No one gets a fuckin lexus for Christmas. By the way its a Toyota with leather and woodgrain.

6) I am ANTI-CHRISTMAS TREES. I have been questioning what possesses people to chop down a tree and then drag it into there house my whole life. So it dries, after that they wrap hot electrical equipment and leave it on all night. Oh yeah there will be a bowl of water at the bottom of the tree to put the fire out. (sarcasm ahoo hooo) What does this have to do with Jesus again? Also the pets will urinate all over your living room.

7) I am ANTI-TONY ROMO aka Tony Homo. I'm sick of seeing this guys stupid mug everyday. Let him win something meaningful before you all start saying he banged Jessica Simpson.

8) I am ANTI-LAW AND ORDER. They should call the TNT channel the Law and Order channel. Its on all fuckin day. All these people do all day is walk around in trenchcoats accusing black people of commiting crimes. They could be in South Beach harrasing everyone one about some stupid old lady in New York and how they arn't wearing a trenchcoat on the beach. That guys bald spot is on a different place on his head every 10 minutes.

9) I am ANTI-MAYO. If you didn't realize Mayonnaise is disgusting. It is nothing but high in fat and sodium mixed with egg product. It has no nutritional value whatsoever. It ruins any sandwhich and steals so many other condiments shine. The smell or sight of it makes me sick to my stomach. Please don't eat it ever. Andy told me a story once about a fat girl who was at a deli and ordered a sandwhich with extra mayo on it. When she sat down to eat it, she was so fat she went back to the counter and asked for even more mayo. She had mayo on her lip as she asked "I take alot of mayo". I'm getting nautious just thinking about it.

10) I am ANTI-SUBWAY. I was in the mall today with Mark and we marveled at the line Subway had. There was plenty of other delicious eatery's for people yet they still wanted to wait for the bread and lettuce sandwhich. Fresh baked? Yeah dough in a microwave with salt on it. MMMMM. Oh sir can I please have double slimey turkey. OK how much. 12.95 great ya fucking asshole. Actually no wait I'll have the italian style BMT with ragu sauce mixed with ketchup. Oh and don't forget the mayo.

8 Random Things I HATE and LIKE

8 Random Things I Hate 1) People who criticize fake boobies 2) Sitting in the back seat of a car when the radio volume is turned high for a song, then the song ends and the radio commercials continue at that same high volume level 3) People who are too stubborn the admit they are wrong, even though they know they are 4) Bitches who complain about there boyfirends all day, yet still continue to go out with them anway 5) Trial closing a sale by asking someone what they need in order to switch and then following through with every one of there wishes and then they make up more shit just because they are scared to make a decision 6) Blown save opportunities 7) Osama Bin Laden, Charles Dolan, X-Roomate, pasty europeans, sexy dominican girls who don't feel me, Reggie Miller, Mario Elie, Curt Shilling NYJets Haters, Guys who wear wife beaters to the bar and think its cool, Girls who like guys who wear wife beaters to the bar 8) Outplaying someone so bad and getting sucked out on BONUS) Wearing a newly dry cleaned suit and spilling coffee on it 10 minutes after I put it on BONUS #2) Cars that have abnormally fast blinkers

8 Random Things I Like 1) Sexy latina lovers speaking dirty to me in spanish 2) Poland Spring chilled not by the fridge but by the cold weather 3) Flopping a set with a small pocket pair with an Ace out there 4) Enter Sandman at either Shea or Yankee Stadium 5) Making fun of my boss by rapping new songs by southern rappers except using work terms and phrases instaed of the lyrics 6) Having 19 year old girls spit game to me 7) Smacking someone using the back of my hand 8) Creating absolutely random lists to alleviate boredom BONUS) using the word alleviate in a sentence

To Cubs fans, Love Mets fans

The purpose of this week’s column was to get people riled up. Actually that is the purpose of my column every week. I posted a “Rant” on the Rants and Raves north side Chicago section of www.Craigslist.com. For those of you who are not familiar with this particular website, it is a website that allows people in basically every community on Earth to connect with each other so they can do anything from selling a car to finding a job. If you still haven’t heard of this site then read the rest of this article, quit your job, move to Alaska, and learn to become a professional ice fisherman. You can find the Rants and Raves section right under the “Missed Connections” section. If you frequent Missed Connections then it should be a law that you are required to move to Alaska and become an ice fisherman. Regardless, if you take life too seriously then don’t ever visit Rants and Raves. It is only for people who have a strong stomach and can tolerate incoherent babble. It is also a place to communicate with random people across the country.

In this particular scenario I wanted to write a Rant for the people of Chicago to read, specifically Cubs fans. The italic content below describes an experience that I had at the May 14^th Mets Vs, Cubs game. This is what I posted.

TO CUBS FANS, LOVE METS FANS

I just wanted to let you losers know that while I was at Shea Stadium last night watching the NEW YORK METS show you guys who the best team in the NL is, I encountered a very rowdy, uneducated, ugly, horrible accented, Midwesterner who thought it was a prudent idea to start talking trash to MY fellow fans at MY stadium. Now I am not against other teams fans coming to New York to watch their home team play, but if you do happen to brave the streets here, then you should realize that it's not a great idea to start smack-talking to us. In fact it is incredibly stupid. You will get put in your place. Please believe it.

This bumble **c* started to act "hard" when the Cubby's were winning 4-0 in the 4th inning. He was screaming and yelling his head off while waiting on the sausage and pepper line about how the Cubs were the best team, blah, blah, blah. Since there was no one else around to stop him from exhibiting this inappropriate behavior, I decided to put him in his place. There are many people like me who consider Shea Stadium their second habitat. Are you going to let someone come into your home and disrespect you? I just happened to be the one who needed to stop this fallacious drunken tirade. We began to verbally spar.

After some drunken tough guy talk, He finally formed some sentences that I could comprehend, Continuing to ride his “Four to zero in the 4^th inning score” horse into the sunset. I informed him that the Cubs have not been in the World Series since Eleanor Roosevelt was the first lady. This flew over his head faster than trying to explain what Myspace is to the players at your Grandmother’s Bridge game. His only slurred response was "The Bears are the bestest team, when was the last time the Jets were in the World Ser...I mean Super Bowl" I tell him to shut up and remind him that Rex Grossman is horrible and it doesn't matter cause the Bears suck and they got their ass kicked by the Colts anyway. He whispers to his friend "I think I am going to get in a fight tonight". I go "No your not" and I was right, he wasn't. He walked away without doing anything. Cause he was a little b***h ass baby.

Bottom Line Chicagolanders...

DO NOT COME TO MY STADIUM AND ACT TOUGH CAUSE YOUR TEAM IS WEAK, IT ALWAYS HAS BEEN, AND IT ALWAYS WILL BE REGARDLESS OF HOW MUCH MONEY YOU SPEND!!!!!!

By the way we came back and won 5-4 on a walk off walk

good night

P.S. Bartman. Nuff said.

Now that may be a little harsh, but trust me, it is pedestrian compared to some of the other posts on Craigslist. I wanted it to be a ruthless and insensitive so it would elicit a response, and then post some of that response in this article. But to my surprise, there was no comeback of any kind. The only response I got was from a White Sox fan who agreed with me completely on everything I said and posted a rant that was even more outrageous than the one I wrote. I was surprised by some of the things he said and it was interesting to read how fans in another city with two baseball teams acted towards each other. Here is the link. Do not click if curses offend you.

http://chicago.craigslist.org/chc/rnr/331671070.html

Just to clarify, I don’t go to Shea Stadium looking to fight fans of other teams. I do enjoy some smack talk though here and there, but I am a grown ass man and the last thing I want to do is to get arrested for fighting some drunken Midwesterner while in line waiting for the concession attendant to charge me nine dollars for a snausage and pepper hero. I’d also like to clarify that I love the city of Chicago. I have visited on numerous occasions and enjoyed myself each time. I really don’t have a problem with Chicagolanders at all. I did find it interesting that no one responded to my rant considering the amount of responses that one would get if they posted a similar anti-Mets rant in the New York section of R&R.

I’d like to ask the reader. What you would do if you were on a concession line and there was someone screaming anti-Mets obscenities? Would you react differently? Let the people speak!

GIRLS GONE METS!

Admit it gentleman. When we are out, wherever we may be, we are on the lookout for that special lady. Not only does she have good looks, a sense a humor, and a knack for cooking, but this special lady also possesses a passion for the game that normally exists only in guys. This lady is glued to the television when the Mets are on. Yes, I know. They are as rare as a non-Jose Reyes triple, but they are out there. A few of them contribute regularly to this site. For example, Tessa AKA Mets Gal is a catch for any southern Connecticut dwelling Mets fan. Lauren is another writer for Metsmerizedonline.com. Her main objective is to be proposed to at Shea Stadium on the Jumbotron during a game. Yes, they’re out there Gentleman.

I have proof that there actually are females who truly bleed the orange and blue. Monday night is a time where most people spend time with immediate family, catch up on errands, or just relax and watch some TV. However, when you are 24 years old and live in the middle of this crazy city, you are compelled to go out and spend money that you don’t have on wings and alcohol. Not so coincidently, the Mets were on the west coast playing the Giants, so I was looking forward to watching Barry Zito get smacked around. This never ended up happening. So I decide to go out by myself and meet up with some lady friends who I haven’t seen in a while.

As I proceed to pour Stella Artois down my throat and ingest chicken wings, I am surrounded by 5 girls who were also trying to escape boredom and catch the late Mets game. I wondered if these girls were similar to the female Yankee’s fan. You know who I am talking about. This girl only likes the Yankees because they are the team that has Derek Jeter, occupies most of the back page headlines, or because their boyfriend is “like a huge Yankee fan”.

I wanted to know if I really encountered some girls that were not only New York Mets fans, but could actually prove that they were to me. I decided that the best way to find out was to ask them some Mets trivia. Here are the questions that I asked and their responses:

Question 1

ME: The Mets second baseman is normally Jose Valentin. However, he has recently been injured and replaced by two players. Who are they?

FEMALES: Damion Easly and oh I know his name don’t tell me….uuhhhhh…..Something Rotay?

ME: Ok, I’ll give you that. Considering that you combined his first name and last name together. His name is Ruben Gotay.

Question 2

ME: There are currently three young Mets outfield prospects that are considered “studs” by the Mets community. Name two of them.

FEMALES: Lastings Milledge and oh I don’t know, that question is too hard.

ME: You’re right that is too difficult. Most male die hard Mets fans wouldn’t even know that. Carlos Gomez and Fernando Martinez are the other two.

Question 3

ME: Who was the Manager when the Mets won there first World Series championship?

FEMALES: Gil Hodges! (And they said this very quickly, without hesitation)

I also asked these girls if they knew who the SNY broadcast team was and they answered that quite diligently as well. I have to say that I was extremely impressed with the amount of passion and knowledge that they had. I realized that being a Mets fan was more than just what sex you are. To be honest, it isn’t about whether you know who the best prospects are or who the manager was way back when. The only thing that matters is that you recognize a Mets fan for what he/she really is. We suck it up when the times are bad because we know that the good times are coming up soon.